


Awkward Bureaucracy

by The_Bentley



Series: Kisses Bingo Fics [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Awkward Dates, Filming, Humor, Ineffable Bureaucracy (Good Omens), Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Love/Hate, Making Out, Miscommunication, Multi, St James's Park (Good Omens), Surprise Kissing, They/Them Pronouns for Beelzebub (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26036632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Bentley/pseuds/The_Bentley
Summary: They had not taken more than ten steps before Gabriel stopped and turned to Beelzebub.  “You do know I am rather attracted to you.  You have this certainje ne sais quoisabout you and I love how you rule Hell with an iron fist.  Can we try a different human ritual?  It's called kissing."Gabriel and Beelzebub attempt to have a second date, much to Crowley's amusement.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Beelzebub/Gabriel (Good Omens)
Series: Kisses Bingo Fics [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1861126
Comments: 9
Kudos: 57
Collections: Kisses Bingo





	Awkward Bureaucracy

**Author's Note:**

> Kisses Bingo call: My second wrist kisses space. Yay! Three spaces filled!

Gabriel arrived at the appointed time in St. James’ Park at the bench situated under an extremely old gnarled tree that made it an easily identified meeting place. Impatiently he looked at his watch as he waited. Pacing in front of the bench, he kept staring at a certain point in the lawn as if expecting something. 

A slight rumble of the ground announced the arrival of what he was waiting for. Slowly Beelzebub rose from Hell, dirt crumbling off of them as they pushed upwards into the sunlight. Checking out their black jacket for loose soil, they brushed themselves clean before turning towards Gabriel.

“So, what do you want now?”

“I just thought we’d like to try a second date since the first one went rather well,” he replied, holding out a bouquet of wildflowers in shades of reds to them.

Beelzebub snatched them from him. “Agreed. It did, but that doesn’t mean I get the dating rituals of humans.”

They inspected the flowers, not sure what to do with them. Gabriel wasn’t clear on the point of them himself, but he wasn’t about to let on about that. He smiled his brightest smile at his rival-turned-love-interest.

“Here, I can just vanish those back to . . . wherever so you don’t have to hold on to them.”

“I can do it.” The bouquet disappeared. “It was a . . . nice . . .” Beelzebub made an unpleasant face at that word. “. . .gesture.”

Gabriel put out an arm. “Shall we?”

He got a blank look in response, the fly wings on Beelzebub’s hat buzzing questioningly. Reaching out, he took their hand, explaining this is what humans did. Beelzebub threaded their arm through his tentatively, still dubious about the practice.

“They also go out to eat and watch shows on big screens in buildings that aren’t their homes, but I fail to see the point. What are we going to do?”

Gabriel shrugged. “What do you suggest?”

“Enticing an accountant to embezzle so their soul will be mine in a few years.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. That’s not my idea of a date.” 

Instead, they began to stroll along the park’s path. After a while Beelzebub turned blue eyes to Gabriel, looking him up and down. 

“New suit? I like it.”

“Yes and thank you. You look good today. I enjoy seeing you without the . . .” he made a gesture towards his own face. “Um, boils . . .”

“They’re not compulsory. I just happen to like them.”

“Shall we feed/drown the ducks?” the two asked each other. There was a pause before both responded, “Why would I ever want to feed/drown ducks?”

“Let’s just keep strolling,” suggested Gabriel.

“Fine.”

They had not taken more than ten steps before Gabriel stopped and turned to Beelzebub. “You do know I am rather attracted to you. You have this certain _je ne sais quois_ about you and I love how you rule Hell with an iron fist. Can we try a different human ritual? It's called kissing."

"Ok. I've heard of it."

He took their hand in his, starting to kiss along it, starting at their fingertips and getting as far as their wrist before Beelzebub yanked their arm back, disgusted by the weird feeling of it. “What in Satan’s name are you doing?” Their knowledge of what kissing was and what Gabriel was doing were on two totally different pages. Beelzebub had only seen humans greet each other with a kiss on the cheek.

“A bit of romance?” Gabriel gave a half-smile, not sure where he should go from here. “We could try kissing on the lips. I hear that’s enjoyable.”

“That’s disgusting! Get away from me!”

They conjured up fireballs to throw at his feet; Gabriel taking off at top speed as they chased him around the park for having the audacity to suggest they slobber all over each other like love-sick human beings apparently did. 

“I do find you attractive, my darling!” he called back to them as he avoided getting hit by the flaming missiles aimed in his direction. Burn marks were hard to miracle out of a suit and a good way to ruin an expensive one. 

They ran past an occupied bench, Gabriel attempting to apologize while Beelzebub screamed obscenities at him. Eventually they backed him against a tree, grasped him by the lapels and began a primal session of snogging that included scratching, biting and insults being exchanged, much to the delight of one of the bench’s occupants.

This was not what Crowley was expecting when he suggested they head to the park today, but it was way more entertaining than feeding the birds and watching the humans before heading to the Ritz for afternoon tea. His mobile was out and trained on the commotion before him as he grinned like an idiot while witnessing it.

Beside him, Aziraphale disapprovingly rolled his eyes at Crowley’s antics.

“You are not getting video of this, are you?”

“Of course I am. This is a show I’m going to enjoy watching over and over. I might even put it up on YouTube or something.”

Aziraphale sighed and continued tossing birdseed to the pigeons. Some things never changed.


End file.
